Self-care is a term frequently used in the social service field referring to how social workers, nurses, and other care givers take care of themselves to prevent burnout.
“You can’t take care of others, if you do not take care of yourself first.”
“Remember what airline safety tells you before takeoff – put your air mask on first before putting one on your child.”
If you are anything like me, you’ll say, “Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. I take care of myself,” and then proceed to do the exact opposite because when you get down to the truth, you honestly do not know what self care is. You intellectually know it is about self love and you tell yourself you love yourself. You repeat these words often but maybe not as often as you repeat negative statements about yourself that are so ingrained into your subconscious that you are unaware what you tell yourself.
What do you say to yourself when you forget your lunch? You remember that you left your coffee cup on the roof of your car after you drive away see it tumbling on the road as you look in the rearview mirror? When you stub your toe? When you set the iron on too hot and burn your favorite blouse? Forget your best friend’s birthday? Overate? Skipped exercise – for the 5th time in a row?
Self care is going to physical therapy three days a week after a car accident, even though you don’t think you were hurt but you have had lower back pain ever since you stopped taking Advil two weeks after the accident. It’s following through with the daily exercises the PT gave you to do, listen to the PT and go gently instead of over pushing yourself as you tend to do, coming home after therapy and soaking in a warm salt bath, even though baths “are not your thing.” This isn’t about you. It is about your body.
It is about self care: loving yourself enough to listen to your body, the professional’s advice, and doing what is needed no matter what your opinion, likes or dislikes might be. Maybe you might even begin to enjoy soaking in a tub of warm water, especially if you think beyond the task. Light some candles. Add some essential oils. Set up a board across the tub to set a cup of your favorite tea, and read a book, play Sudoku, read a book, shop on line. Put on some favorite music. Or, simply close your eyes and bask in the luxury of a warm private bath. Do you know how many people do not have their own place to shower or bathe and would willingly trade places with you, even for just one bath?
Caring and loving yourself goes beyond mani-pedicures, splurging on a pair of new shoes that you don’t really need but makes you feel good in the moment, or ordering one of the most expensive entrees on the menu because you want to make yourself feel loved and special. Self care includes caring for and respecting for the space in which you live. It’s about doing those things that we often call “chores” or “work” that make our homes welcoming and comfortable but we often neglect or procrastinate on like cleaning the toilet bowl, washing the dishes just used instead waiting until you have a two foot high pile, or until you get swarmed by fruit flies when you walk near the sink filled with dirty dishes. Clearing clutter, getting rid of old make-up, unused jars and containers that are kept because they just seem too nice to recycle, closets full of clothes that you no longer wear, or are saving for one day….
It’s about caring for your items enough to find a home for each item and putting it back to its home after each use. How many times do we take an item to put away and walk it half way to its home then stop, plop it down and say to ourselves, I’ll put it away later and there it sits three weeks later?
How does keeping your home clean and tidy, clothes picked up and put away, following through in putting items back where they belong, paying bills on time and either filing or throwing away the paper bill (if you have not gone electronic) once its been paid have to do with self care? Lots.
By keeping our spaces clean, items organized, bills paid on time, stop procrastinating, we stop sending negative thought messages to ourselves about ourselves and our environment. Imagine, you wake up in the morning, walk to the kitchen to make coffee and the first thing that you see are crumbs on the counter and sink full of dishes.
What do you say to yourself? ‘Ah, what a love kitchen?’ I think not.
More like, “Ugh! what a mess! I should have cleaned it last night.”” I’m so lazy.” “Gross.” “Oh great, now I have ants and fruit flies.” “I’m such a slob. No wonder I can never meet Mr./Ms. Right.” “I live in such a dump.”
The last one is the best because who made the place a dump? Why is it a dump? You.
Now imagine waking up and walking into a kitchen that is clean and tidy. How do you feel? What do you say to yourself? Do you feel lighter? Happier? More positive? Aren’t these the feelings that we are supposed to have when we do self care? All the mani-pedicures and new pairs of shoes will not make us feel this way, if the space we live looks like a trash dump.
If your desk is piled high with things and you dread cleaning it because it will take 3 hours, then break it down and spend 10-15 minutes each evening on clearing it. Of if time is not your thing, then agree that each day you will put 5 things off the desk and put them where they belong or throw them out. Before long the desk will be clean and your spirit much lighter.
Now do you see why self care goes beyond treating yourself to an ice cream, fancy dinner, or new clothes? Self care does not need to cost any money nor a lot of time. It simply takes a decision by you to reflect a little one things that you say you “should” do, or need to do, or want to do, write them down and begin doing them. Before no time you will have self care habits embedded into your daily life that you will be happier, healthier, and more energetic that people will come to you asking how you do it.
Good luck. I would love to hear inventive self care activities you find helpful.